How to Lure a Vampire

With Buffy and now Twilight, vampires are  more popular than they have ever been. So popular that it can be exceedingly hard to get one to answer an invitation to dinner or just a quiet night out. So what’s a vampire loving guy or girl got to do to get one to answer his/her next text?

Start with the old stand by – Blood. Vampires love blood. It’s their raison d’etre. As Dracula so neatly pointed out, “the blood is the life.” Which sounds a bit like a contradiction since vampires are, technically, not alive, but that’s neither here nor there. Blood will draw a vampire quicker than honey draws a fly. (Vampires also appreciate a little class. So you might want to break out the good crystal. But do a temperature check before serving. Ideal temp is, of course, 98.6 degrees F.)

Maybe flash some Skin. Especially in the neck area. A bit of jewelry to draw attention to your jugular wouldn’t go unappreciated either. Just keep away from the religious symbols, especially religious symbols that bring with them great personal faith.

Embrace the Darkness. Most vampires, though not all, tend to avoid light, or at least very bright light. If you go by most television vampires who also happen to be detectives, however, they seem to have an affinity for living in cities like Los Angeles, where the sun shines pretty much all the time. Go figure. But most vampires like it dark. So arrange that get-together at night in a smoky, murky bar or in the shadows, preferably near a cemetery.

Utilize a vampire’s favorite sense – Smell. Vampires have a very heightened sense of smell, which is needed to sniff out all that fresh blood. It helps a lot if your blood smells especially good. Bella in the Twilight series smells very attractive to vampires. So does Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) although her scent-worthiness has a lot to do with her having fairy blood, which vamps find especially tasty. Yum, yum.

To make your blood’s scent extra mouthwatering, you want to avoid garlic or garlicky foods. And it’s probably not a good idea to drench yourself in perfume. You want your vamp de jour to be able to smell all that yummy, titillating human blood.

Play the Submissive. Vampires need servants, wannabes, minions or sycophants: humans and/or lesser vampires (and sometimes the occasional werewolf) who are willing to do their bidding. Like dragging the vampire’s coffin around from one dank, dark basement to another, making sure the coffin is filled with fresh earth from the vampire’s homeland, and standing guard over the vampire during the day while he takes his beauty sleep. So, playing coy (and hiding your natural kick-ass abilities) may be required at least for a while.

Don’t be afraid of extending an Invitation. Traditionally a vampire can’t enter a home unless invited by whoever lives there. So be sure to give him an open invitation to your home as soon as you meet him. This will allow the vampire to enter your house whenever he chooses (which will more than likely be while you’re fast asleep) so that he can stare longingly at your neck. (Which, of course, you keep fully exposed. No high neck nightshirts for you!)

Once the invitation is issued. You need to remember some common vampire Courtesy. Be respectful of a vampire’s culture. Do not, I repeat, do not have any of the following lying about your home.

– Garlic

– Crosses (or other religious symbols)

– Mirrors

– Pointy wooden stakes

– Silver flasks of holy water or Eucharist wafers.

– Framed portraits of Dr. Abraham Van Helsing or Buffy Summers.

If you do all of these things, your hunt for your own personal vampire should reap rewards. Just remember, before you do any of these, a relationship with a vampire truly is forever.

(Love Vampires? Check out all my vampire romances stories here.)