Sharon Ashwood is a freelance journalist, novelist, desk jockey and enthusiast for the weird and spooky. She has an English literature degree but works as a finance geek. Interests include growing her to-be-read pile and playing with the toy graveyard on her desk. As a vegetarian, she freely admits the whole vampire/werewolf lifestyle fantasy would never work out, so she writes paranormal romances instead. Sharon lives in the Pacific Northwest and is owned by the Demon Lord of Kitty Badness. Photo by Mark Oxley/Studio 16
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In answer to the age-old question, authors DO have their sources for characters. I get mine through mail order.
I’ve owned the Dark Hero, Vampire Edition 3.2, for a few years now. He came in a box, all minty fresh with that new hero gleam in his eye. Of course there were limitations. Dark wash only. Do not leave in direct sunlight. I had to get a separate unit, the Djinn Slave 4.0, for household use. However, I have to say I have been a fully satisfied customer.
Of course, all equipment subjected to heavy use eventually needs replacement—and believe me, the 3.2 saw a lot of action since he came out of the carton. He’s held up well, but his cape is getting a bit threadbare and the poor dear gets stuck in the brood cycle more often than is good for him. I’ve had to call the manufacturer’s help desk to unlock the “furrowed brow” setting three times now. So, when I was browsing through the catalogue to see if their new line of minotaur was available yet, my attention was caught by a coupon offer for the JingleVamp Special Edition.
I confess, the notion of a vampire with a “ho, ho, ho” plug-in was vaguely disturbing. I wasn’t sure about the reindeer antlers, either, but I figured what the heck. It would make a change from the usual sort of holiday decoration. So, I placed an order.
The thing I didn’t realize was that, unlike the full-priced Dark Heroes, JingleVamp came unassembled and that the instructions were in the non-language universal to children’s toys and cheap furniture. Soon my living room floor was covered in an explosion of sardonic laughs, sultry glances, and sparkly white fangs as I unpacked and sorted and tried to make sense of the diagrams. Fortunately, there was more information enclosed in a separate envelope:
Hello, and welcome to your new JingleVamp! Here are a few pointers to make sure you fully enjoy your new purchase:
1. Note JingleVamp must be rebooted when changing “naughty” and “nice” settings.
2. When recharging, do not plug JingleVamp into the same circuit as your Christmas tree. Spontaneous carolling may result, overriding your Dark Hero’s patented Sinister Velvet® laugh cycle.
3. Exercise caution when using JingleVamp near pine boughs, holly sprigs, pine trees, or other pointy wooden objects.
4. JingleVamp may consume eggnog while set to “party animal.” Caution: Glassware recommended. Paper cartons will leak if bitten.
5. Do not engage JingleVamp in reindeer games without permission of local wildlife authorities.
6. Your JingleVamp will not pull a sleigh, no matter how nicely you ask.
7. Note that Dark Hero units cannot be set to “shopping” mode prior to noon, December 24. “Wrap” mode defaults to intermittent setting. “Write cards” mode is automatically disabled. Contact manufacturer for override instructions.
8. Shopping list plug-in sold separately. Unit is supplied with only “black negligee” and “toaster” options.
9. If you wish to disassemble unit, use stake provided.
Thank you for purchasing the JingleVamp Special Edition! We hope you enjoy your new Dark Hero’s version of Christmas Cheer.
Does your 3.2 do other ah…ahem…duties for you? Where can I get my unit? I’d rather pay extra and have JingleVamp come fully assembled. Fun post!
I’ve had Frostbound on my to read list for months! I’d love to win a copy.
I ahte assembly required presents.
Can I find a Jinglevamp at Walmart or Bed Bath and Beyond? Cause I need one lol jk! I love this excerpt
Funny blog. Made me smile. Really have to add your books to my tbb list
Thank you for such a fun post :).
Thanks to you all for visiting! I hate anything requiring assembly. I remember when I was a kid Santa brought a very detailed dinosaur skeleton with a zillion parts to assemble. I helpfully broke off all the numbered tabs on the bones right away, thinking that would speed the finished product along (I was about 7). Oddly, the box with all the model parts disappeared, never to reappear. I think my parents quit while they were ahead!
Cute story! :) A vampire that says ‘ho ho ho’- made me laugh!
Hi Sharon,
thank you for the great post and the chance at such a great giveaway. what i was wondering is if it is available in twins? LOL! i hope that you and your family have a very Happy
Holiday Season.
trvlagnt1t@yahoo.com
How does all his…um…stuff measure? If enough, well worth to put together…LOL!
books4me67 at ymail dot com
What a wonderful giveaway! Thanks so much, Lori!
I want one! LOL. This was a fun post.
Enjoyed reading your post Sharon .I love your books thank you for the chance to win .
flanagan@mebtel.net
Like this contest.
Hi Sharon! Your JingleVamp post was fun. Thanks for the smiles.
kscathy@yahoo.com
i would have to get help for the assembly process —LOL
audie(at)wickerness(dot)com
wonderful blog…still smilling and humming Jingle Bells.
I enjoy your books and look to a future filled with your books.
Merry Christmas
Hi, Sharon:
You really got me laughing – a well needed change for me today. I’ve seen your books at book stores and on the web for a loong time, but haven’t read any yet, so I hope I can start with winning one here!
MJB
msmjb65 AT gmail DOT com
Went to Sharon’s website and it appears I need to get my hands on the Dark Forgotten series! Great post and Happy Holidays!!!
yadkny@hotmail.com
Thanks for the interview!
Must find out more about these Vamps. And where they can be ordered from, lol. Great post!
manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com
FUN post…GREAT giveaway!
Such a great post! After reading this, I am definitely on the look out for your books. :)