Okay, this is always one of my pet peeves. People who take advantage of our innate politeness to get something for themselves.
Today I’m walking through the mall quite happy with life, when one of those people who man the little booth things in the middle of the mall asks, “lotion?” I say, “No thank you.” and keep walking. Then, being wily, he says in a different/real person tone, “But can I ask you a question?” Thinking he’s going to, you know, ask me a question, I stop. He then says, “Can I see your hand?” Odd, but automatically I hold up my hand (notice I say up not out–I am not offering for this person to touch me.) He reaches out and touches my hand saying, “Oh, dry skin. I need to show you something for that.”
This is where my real regrets are did I a.) call him an a$$hole b.) knee him in the groin c.) smack him with my Love is All Around tote bag thus letting him experience the love himself? No, I turn on my heel and walk off saying “No thank you.” as I go. I also immediately retrieved my hand sanitizer from said tote bag to remove his creepy cooties. Not exactly kick-butt herione material was it?
Now I’m not saying we should drop kick every pushy salesman who crosses our path, although an argument could be made for that tactic. What I am saying is that there are people out there who know many of us (especially women) have some need to be nice and use it against us.
Here is another example. Once you have a book published people send you things. A number of my friends (myself included) have received cards, bookplates, etc. from people who want us to sign them and send them back. Now this seems innocent, and I will actually mail anyone who sends me a request (and postage) for one a signed bookplate, but there is something about a lot of these requests that sets off your weirdo/don’t-trust-them bells. But do we just trash them and not worry about it? No, even though we have never met these people and something about them gives us the distinct heebie jeebies, we stew over whether we should fulfill request. (I’ve had friends worry about this when strangers were brazen enough to ask for free books.) Why is that? And is it really a bad thing?
I say it is, because I think it adds to the victimization of women–didn’t know I was going to get deep did you? But seriously, how did Ted Bundy get some of his victims? He asked for their help. How do date rapes frequently happen? Women ignore that inner warning bell and be polite, winding up in a situation they can’t get out of.
Here are a few questions for you to see if you are at risk from being too polite.
- When you see someone standing on your front porch with a clipboard (we’re assuming here you don’t have an overwhelming desire to answer a political poll or get chemicals spread on your lawn), do you answer the door or ignore them even though you know they know you are home?
- When a telemarketer calls do you let them go through their whole speil even though you know you don’t want their product, cut them off to excuse yourself, or even (horrors) hang up on them?
- If you were walking out of your house and a stranger who was struggling to load a piece of furniture into their van asked for your help, would you help them?
- When someone from whom you are not applying for a job asks you for your social security number do you give it to them? If when you decline or ask why they need it, they insist they do, do you give it to them?
So, what do you think? How easy of a target are you? Do you feel comfortable being assertive or even a bitch, to keep yourself safe?
Lori stepping off her soapbox to do something assertive–like laundry. :)
First, I’m wondering what about the bookplate requests sets off your alarm bells. And I totally related to your attack at the mall. Now, on to your questions.
1. I’m a wimp about that. I answer the door and talk to them. Sometimes I give them the “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time now” excuse, but not always.
2. Caller ID is a wonderous thing. If my phone rings and comes up “unknown” or shows an 800 number or some other I don’t recognize, I let it go to the machine.
3. Yes, I’d help, the whole time remembering that scene from “Silence of the Lambs” and getting the heebie-jeebies.
4. I never give out my social security number. Never. Period.
by Lynn Daniels July 3rd, 2005 at 5:03 pm1. Nope. I don’t answer the door.
2. The machine is wonderful and that’s who answers here first.
3. The helping with the furniture . . . depends I guess on my mood. What time of day it is. If anyone else were around.
4. I never give out my social.
And those mall guys are a pain! Totally.
by Teresa July 3rd, 2005 at 8:10 pmI answer the door and find out what they want. If I’m not interested in hearing about their religion, buying what they are selling, etc., I politely turn them away.
If it’s a telemarketer, I listen for the introduction. If they’re soliciting funds I tell them that I don’t respond to telephone solicitations and to please take me off their call list. If they’re trying to sell me a service, I say no and ask them to take me off the call list. That’s the trend.
I, too, remember the Ted Bundy/Silence of the Lambs thing. I won’t help someone lift heavy furniture — but I help senior citizens with unwieldy shopping carts or if I see them trying to lift cases of soda or water and other heavy stuff in the supermarket parking lot.
No, no, a thousand times no. I NEVER give out my social security number. That’s an invitation to let someone steal my identity!
by Mary Stella July 7th, 2005 at 10:10 amOK, I think that lotion guy should have been beaten with a big bottle of lotion until he was blue. (I’m not really violent, but just hearing what he did makes me angry.)
As for the questions:
1. I ignore them.
2. Wish I had caller ID. Since I don’t, I usually either screen calls through my answering machine or hang up if I pick it up and there’s a long pause before the person responds to my hello. That’s a sure sign of a telemarketer.
3. Hmmm. A stranger, huh? I would probably tell them I was in a hurry and couldn’t help. (Is that mean? I just don’t think I could say yes, not after reading Imitation in Death.)
4. I never give out my social security number unless applying for a job or for credit.
Interesting post.
Alyssa
by Alyssa July 9th, 2005 at 11:54 amWe are in general a bunch of tough chicks! How cool is that? Would you believe in Montana they use your social security number for your driver’s license number? (at least they did when I lived there.) And I can’t say how many arguments I have gotten into with medical record type people or phone company type people who expect me to give them my social security number just cause. Maroons.
by Lori July 9th, 2005 at 6:41 pmBut, Alyssa, Lynn and Teresa, DON’T help with the furniture!! Be rude!! If I read about you being abducted and chopped up into tiny pieces I am going to be really hacked off at you. (you are afraid now–aren’t you?)